~double sigh~

Josh moved on rather quickly. He responded to my friend's nsa ad on Craigslist.

~Sigh~

Why is it that when your head knows in no uncertain terms that your decision was the right one, your heart still refuses to listen?

The End...

Josh and I did have that discussion. He said that he was NOT taking Bambi with him when he moved. I felt a lot better about that. We had a long talk and things continued between us.

However, this weekend that all changed.

On Sunday, I told Josh about our plans to move to Florida. He asked when we were moving and I told him as soon as possible.

Monday, we had plans to go to a barbecue at my neighbor's house, a mutual friend of ours, for dinner. At about 1:30, Josh said he was going to go to meet his friend and his friend's girlfriend in order to "help" out this girlfriend (she has a violent ex that has been harassing them lately). I reminded him about the barbecue and he said that he would be back.

Needless to say, I was a bit hurt that he went with his friend knowing full well that we wouldn't be around in another week. But his friend needed him, or so he says.

Anyway, I sent him a text message at 5:30 reminding him of the barbecue. No response. I called him at 6:00 and again at 6:30, finally getting through. He said that he was on his way. At 7:30, there was still no sign of him. I completley lost it, crying. I was so hurt by now that it was painful to breathe. Being no good to anyone, I left my neighbor's house and went home. I sent Josh a text message:

Don't bother now. It's fucking 7:30. Why would you even bother to tell me that you were coming back when you KNOW that when you're with *****, he takes presidence?

Know what he said, 45 minutes later? "Ok, you got it."

This was my response:

Not even a "sorry" or anything? Dammit, I am so tired of being LAST on your list. You can hang out with ****** and his girlfriend, but I can't come along? Why, because you're ashamed of me? Fuck that! I may live in a trailer, but I don't treat people like shit. Enjoy your lonely bachelor pad. Have a nice life. The sad part is, I fucking cared about you a lot. You're an asshole. I hope you don't treat any other women the way you've treated me.

Ten minutes later, he showed up at my door. Apparently, while I was responding to him, he was already at my neighbor's house. He went outside and showed me which cans and bottles NY will accept for recycling and pay $0.05 per can/bottle. He then helped me for about ten minutes, then said, "We can continue this all night and smell like beer and garbage or I can just write you a check." I told him I don't want his money. He said, "Fine" and helped me for about an hour. Then he went back to my house, got some of his things and left.

I emailed him yesterday, reminding him that he's still got some things here. He said that he will pick them up before I move.

Does he not understand? I DON'T WANT HIS FUCKING MONEY! I WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM! It has been long enough. I want to move forward, get a place together, etc. But clearly that's not what he wants.

I sent him this after our brief exchange about him getting his things.

You said you didn't know what I wanted. Well, here it is. I wanted consideration without taking for granted that I'd just be there whenever you wanted me to. I took good care of you because dammit I fucking loved you. I loved spending time with you. I loved talking with you. I love the fact that the kids got along with you so well.

But I didn't like being last on the list. Everyone else came first. You'd rather go out with your friends than spend time with me DOING something. Over the last few months, it turned into you just coming here to eat, sleep and watch tv. I didn't want your money. I wanted your fucking TIME.

I'll make sure your things are outside when you get here. I don't think I can handle seeing you again.


I am completely heartbroken. The thing is, I let him into my head and my heart. I repainted and rearranged my bedroom while he was away at training so he would like it. I took good care of him, only to be pushed aside for friends.

Don't get me wrong - everyone has friends and needs to spend time with them. But I would have thought that after finding out we were leaving for good, he would have wanted to spend time with me. I was wrong.

Various

I know it's been a while since I last posted. It isn't that I haven't had anything to say. I have. I don't know exactly why I haven't posted.

Anyway, on to the updates.

My older son takes his driver's test for his license on Thursday. He is really excited. I wish I could get him a beater car to drive around.

My little guy is doing a little better. He's still a sweetie. He still has bad moods, but nothing like what happened at school that one day.

My landlord has sent a request to the Sheriff's office for a warrant of removal. The warrant should be posted within the next few days. At that time, I can request an extension from the court. From what I am told, they will grant a one week extension.

Unfortunately, none of the non-profit organizations have any funding for rental assistance. I have taken to getting cans and bottles for recycling. I need 40,000 cans and bottles, which equates to approximately 40 bags, in order to stay in our home. So far, I have six filled.

I do have another option. A very kind, sweet woman has offered to rent her mobile home to me. The home is in Ocala, FL, which is 1,000 miles away. I may very well take her up on her offer. It means taking both of the kids out of school (little guy will have a MAJORLY tough time with the transition and older guy will have to take his senior year of high school in a strange place) but it's something where the three of us can stay together. And it's a new opportunity for all of us. A fresh start.

Right now, either the cans and bottles will pay for us to stay in our home or they will pay for our trip to Florida. This all depends on who can work faster - the Sheriff's office or me.

Deeply Disturbed

Today, my nine year old son tried to kill himself at school by shoving a pencil into his neck. Fortunately, the teacher was right next to him and wrestled the pencil out of his hands.

While he is physically safe, it is clear that emotionally he has a problem.

We just got back from a mental health evaluation. They are recommending an intense course of therapy from 9:30 AM until 3:30 PM daily. I have to call them in the morning.

I need help. With everything going on, I can't do it alone anymore. But it seems that any time I reach out for assistance, I get knocked on my ass for "being weak".

My Sweet Little Guy

My little one has been saving up his allowance to buy a Mother's Day present for me. That child just makes my heart swell.

He got off the school bus today and ran into our home, yelling "Whose your mama?" I laughed and grabbed him. He gave me this beautiful card that he made at school today. It has tissue paper flowers on it and he wrote:

Happy Mother's Day from your #1 fan/son {insert full name here}

On the inside, he wrote:

You are the very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very BEST mom in the whole world!

Now, this is special to me for a few reasons. As we all know, the best gifts are the ones that your kids make for you. They are filled with love.

However, my little guy also has Asperger's. His small motor skills are not very good at all. He has physical therapy twice a week to help him. His classification also means that he doesn't have to write his assignments in class; he uses a computer to type everything. For him to write so much to fill up an entire card, both on the outside AND on the inside, just made me melt.

I've got this beautiful card on my nightstand where I can see it every night before bed and every morning upon waking.

Oh, and he gave me a blueberry bush because that's his favorite fruit. We're going to plant it together on Sunday.

Continuing Saga

Mr. Marich did call me back yesterday. He stated that he reviewed the case and determined that it was a Division error and could move this into that category. What that means is that instead of having my entire unemployment benefit check withheld until the overpayment is refunded, they will withhold HALF of the check. So, now my children and I get to try to live on less than $1,000 per month for two months.

The BEST part? I just got a notice in the mail from the Division of Unemployment. It seems that if I was NOT on unemployment, they would work out a payment arrangement of $69 per month. Does this make any sense?????

We'll be living in my car within two weeks. See you at the soup kitchen!

Unemployment, or The High Cost of a Piss-Poor Economy

Despite signing up with multiple employment agencies and sending out approximately 30 resumes per week, I have been unemployed since the end of August, 2008. During this time, I have been collecting unemployment benefits.

My original unemployment claim was exhausted, and I was to be switched over to extended unemployment benefits. When the Division of Unemployment was doing this, they had a bit of confusion, which resulted in benefits being withheld until the confusion was worked out.

At this time, I received a phone call from the Monetary Adjustment Department. Their claim was that the Division of Unemployment erroneously included severance pay when making their original determination of benefits. After discussing this with their employee, I agree with that assessment. Their employee said that they would have to make a monetary adjustment which would result in a refund due to the Division of Unemployment but that I should not worry about it as the refund amount would be taken out of the balance of the extended unemployment benefits.

At this point, I already hadn’t received unemployment benefits for a little while and was behind on my rent. My landlord and I came to an agreement that I would make a rather large payment when I received my next unemployment check, scheduled to be received May 8, 2009, then another large payment when I received a check from unemployment two weeks later. In the meantime, my landlord was protecting his rights and filed for eviction with the understanding that once the first payment was made, we would sign a promissory note at court.

On May 5, 2009, I called to file for unemployment benefits, as was scheduled. The recording said that I must speak with an employee before the claim could be processed.

After being on hold for over an hour, Lee got on the phone. She explained that she would have to take the information from me and have the Adjustment Department cut a check.

On May 6, 2009, I called the Division of Unemployment Information phone number to ensure that a check was cut. Per their recording, it had not been processed.

I called the Regional Office and once again spoke with Lee. She stated that since there was a refund amount due, the Division of Unemployment was taking the benefit amount to reimburse themselves for the overpayment.

I was flabbergasted. I explained to Lee that the Monetary Adjustment Department told me that the amount of overpayment would come from the balance of the extended unemployment benefits. Lee said that was not the way it works. I explained once again that it was due to an error by the Division of Unemployment and was not actually an overpayment. The claim should have been switched over to the extended benefits sooner. It was not my fault that this did not happen. Lee said there was nothing else she could do for me, but gave me the phone number for their Refund Department.

The fact that the Division of Unemployment has an entire department devoted to overpayment of claims tells me that errors such as this are common. However, the employees of the Division of Unemployment have no idea, nor do they care to understand, how their errors affect people’s lives.

I called the Refund Department and spoke with Mr. Gonzales. He stated that the law allowed the Division to withhold all benefit amounts in order to repay any overpayments. I explained to him that this was not technically an overpayment; this was the Division of Unemployment’s error in not switching the claim to the extended benefits when it should have been switched.

I ended up speaking with Mrs. Hollica, the supervisor of the Refund Department. She clearly did not want to discuss anything that didn’t fall within her category of “overpayments”. Mrs. Hollica stated, in a very unkind way, that the law allows for them to withhold all unemployment benefits in the event of an overpayment. Mrs. Hollica did not care how the overpayment occurred nor what I was told from the Monetary Adjustment Department. They were withholding all benefits until the overpayment amount was refunded to the Division, which means that if I am still eligible for unemployment benefits on May 29, that is the date that I would receive another check. I tried to explain to her that I am a single mother of two boys, this was not MY error, this was an error by an employee of the Division of Unemployment and I cannot have no money coming into the household for another month without losing everything I‘d worked for all my life. Mrs. Hollica was uncaring and said that it was not her problem.

I immediately contacted Governor Corzine’s office. If you ever want to be treated like a piece of garbage, I suggest calling there. The first person I spoke with was a receptionist, directing my call. I briefly explained the problem to her. She asked if I had spoken with the Director of the Division of Unemployment. I stated that I had not and had no intention of speaking with the Director at that moment. I wanted to file a complaint with the Governor’s Office.

The receptionist transferred me to Liz. Liz snorted and told me that the Division has a right by law to withhold all unemployment benefits until any overpayment is refunded. I explained that I was aware of this, having been told it no less than three times already, and I wanted to speak with someone that could do something to help my family out since we were on the verge of losing everything due to a Division of Unemployment error. Liz suggested that I contact Social Services. Nice, eh? Anyway, I informed her that I wanted to file a complaint with the Governor’s Office. Liz then transferred me to Carol.

Carol began the same way that Liz did. Once again, I explained that I was aware that the Division has a right by law to withhold benefits due to overpayment, but that this was a Division error and my family was suffering and would be homeless due to it. Carol put me through to Robin Tams of the Division of Unemployment.

Ms. Tams began the same way that Liz and Carol began. At this point, I was tired of hearing about the rights of the Division. What about the rights of the people that the Division was created to help? I explained to Ms. Tams that the law that allows the Division to withhold benefits until overpayments are refunded is punishing people that had nothing to do with the overpayment. I also explained that my children and I would be homeless by the end of next week due to their error, I had no money to put food on the table for my children and would thus lose custody of them. I explained that just because they have the “right” to do something by law doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing to do. Does this law allow for common sense?

Ms. Tams then suggested that I leave a message for her supervisor, Mr. Marich. Mr. Marich was out of the office yesterday but I was assured that he would call me back today, May 7.

Yeah, and a Happy Mother's Day to you too.

Child Support

My older son's father disappeared from my son's life. He'd never paid child support and only visited him once, when my son was 6. He moved and we were unable to locate him.

In December of 2007, my sister found out that the sperm donor was back in our state. She even had an address and phone number for him. I went to the courthouse and filed paperwork for child support. He was served right before Christmas Eve.

After various court battles, he had been ordered to pay child support. And since his child support was irregular, he was put on a two-week bench warrant order. That means if he doesn't pay child support for two weeks, a warrant for his arrest is automatically issued.

He stopped paying child support right before my son's birthday. Now, I can only surmise that it's because he forgot and thinks my son is 18. However, he's not. Besides, in our state, child support doesn't automatically stop when a child becomes 18. You have to go to court to have it stopped. Even then, child support will continue as long as my son is in college.

While I most certainly could use the money for my son, it would be the ex's just desserts to be arrested.

I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall when he receives his warrant.

Son's Birthday

Yesterday, my son turned 17. SEVENTEEN! Holy cow! When did he get that old?

We had a nice day together. During the day, he ended up playing World of Warcraft. (Is there a 12 step program for this?) Anyway, his character ran away from a rabbit. A rabbit. A cute, furry bunny. Naturally, I called him a p*ssy. :-) He immediately said to his online friend, "Dude, my mom just called me a p*ssy!" My 9 year old said, "That's your birthday present!"

It's fun being part of the chaos here.

Dating

For the past 9 months, I've been dating an old friend. And, unfortunately, I love the jackass. However, I need to cut my losses and move on.

How one person can push my emotions to such a point is beyond me. But I've allowed it and I will no longer tolerate it.

I am a kind, loving and giving woman. I treat people as I want to be treated, especially any significant other. Breakfast in bed, massages, just treating very well. Unfortunately, some people take this as a sign of weakness instead of caring.

Let's call this man... Josh. His name has been changed to protect the guilty. :) Josh has a friend that we'll call... Bambi. Josh has been letting Bambi stay at his home because Bambi has been having a tough time financially. This was supposed to be a temporary situation. Josh has been upset at Bambi because Bambi never has the money to pay her share of the rent (actually, it's about 25% of the monthly rent). However, Bambi has purchased new furniture, a new surround system, all kinds of lovely things. This has been a constant source of friction between Josh and Bambi. As little as three weeks ago, Josh told Bambi to find somewhere else to live if she can't afford the measly amount for rent that he was asking. She agreed.

Josh has decided to move out of his current home. I mentioned to him that this was a perfect way to get rid of Bambi, and he agreed. Two weeks ago, he and I went looking at apartments, all of which were two bedrooms with lofts. In the first apartment, he mentioned that there MUST be two separate bathrooms because he would not share a bathroom with Bambi. My blood started to boil. I asked him why he would consider having her move with him when he's already angry with her about not paying the current rent. He said something along the lines of, "I know, I'm a jerk."

Yesterday, he was going to come over around 2:30. I didn't hear from him until 7:30. Come to find out that he went to the diner with his friend and his friend's girlfriend. Now, why wouldn't he call to tell me that instead of having me wait to see what he wanted for dinner? And why wasn't I invited? Why am I always sitting on the outside looking in?

I was in tears all day yesterday because of this. I couldn't say anything because my boys were here and they really like him.

I've asked him to keep open one night for just me this week so we can go for coffee and talk. He said maybe Wednesday or Thursday. We'll see if he shows up.

The worst part is that my kids genuinely like him. This is going to be really hard on them.

Welcome

Welcome to my little spot on the internet. It's nothing special, just some ramblings of an almost middle aged single mother of two amazing boys who is trying to raise her children, find a job, date (maybe even get remarried some day) and find her place in the world.

I hope you find this entertaining.